The Waiting Place

We hover in this waiting place

Where time stands still

Between the here and the after

Earthly concerns fall further and further away

As days pass, marked in twelve-hour shifts

The nursing staff and I are on a first name basis

 And the kindly custodian

Shares his wisdom for the day

As once again he runs his mop around the room

Déjà vu grips me in the cafeteria line

While choosing the same thing I ate yesterday

And the day before

And the day before that

As the medical team lays out a plan

For comfort care and pain control

The business of a peaceful death

Your eyes lock with mine and I see

Acceptance, resignation, relief

Mistakes, regret and joy all passed

The ending now in sight

I set my agnostic tendencies aside

As the chaplain takes your hand and mine

My tears run freely as we pray for peace

Spirit fills my heart with sweet, sad, beauty

And gratitude for the gift of being fully present

At this moment in time with you

It’s always the same

Holding space

As someone I love tries hard to die

I wish for my own pillow as I attempt to sleep

Moving from recliner to the makeshift bed

Where cold seeps in through the window

Causing me to wish for my heated mattress pad as well

I cover my head in a vain attempt

To tune out the hissing and thumping of the oxygen machine

At last exhaustion takes me away

Though any change in the rhythm of your breath

Pulls me back, and back, and back

To cold, hard, grave reality

The sun rises in the east, the world still turns

As this drama quietly unfolds

Your fate is sealed as the curtain falls

On the scene of your final act

No turning back, no last reprieve, no edits to the script

The story of you is winding down

Offering no dramatic exit, stage left or right

Your breathing slows as you prepare

To leave us all behind

Once again, I pause and witness

The drifting into that final rest

As you, dear one, navigate the transition

From darkness into the everlasting light